You Are Not the Hero

Identity is everything.

If I know who I am and what I bring to a room, it doesn’t matter who else is there. I step in confidently, I open my mouth, I own the space, I do my job. If I step in with bad nerves, wondering who will be there, what they will say, asking if I will be interrupted, then it’s like walking in the room naked — I feel exposed, embarrassed and desperate to hide.

Same room, two approaches.

One is with a strong confident identity in what I know about me, the other is relying on others to tell me who I am. And if I get into a room full of people who look like they hate me, then I am worthless.

That is what I call the 'hero' mentality, when we feel we need to prove ourselves, when we are making the story about us, when everything hinges on whether people will believe us, not interrupt us and give us a right to have a seat at the table. It applies so much pressure on us to get that 'yes' that we rush through each sentence desperate to get it over with, we throw out facts and figures and hope for the best, we duck and cover and get to the end having forgotten who we are and feeling quite sweaty. 

These feelings are very common in my clients when they accidentally make a high stakes moment, a presentation or conversation all about them ticking every box and meeting everyone else’s expectations. This may well come from a demanding boss who has asked for some very specific things, some investors who need content covered to satisfy their investor brains. But all of this adds pressure to you and throws you into a game you can't ever win. 

So it’s time to change the game. I first came across the 'Wise Mentor' when I read about the Hero’s Journey — the narrative arc that most Hollywood movies follow. And it goes like this: our hero, who our movie is about, is having a good day. Then something goes wrong for them — Nemo gets lost, Frodo is being chased by evil forces, Luke Skywalker has to run for his life, Andy De Frein gets thrown in prison, Katniss Everdeen has to save her sister’s life and volunteers for the games. They fall into the pit of despair, they are struggling to get through and that is where they meet a wise mentor, who helps them overcome adversity (and the music changes), the mentor gives them a weapon to slay they dragon, the hero wins, the treasure is found, the future is bright!

Here’s the thing. The hero is always struggling until he or she wins. The wise mentor is constant, kind, calm, appears at the right time, faithful, has the skills to help the hero win and never doubts who they are and what they bring to the table. Now that is an identity worth fighting for in business.

So how do you fight for that identity? 

The answer is pretty simple and it is all in five questions. I have been using these questions for the past few years and honestly, it works. It shifts you from the struggling hero in the pit of despair with no way out to:

• Having a much calmer perspective about the meeting
• A structure for your conversation/presentation with a beginning, a middle and an end
• An understanding of what your audience need to know about the problem
• An understanding of what energy and presence you need to bring to help with the solution
• A one-minute framing you can use.

If you have done these questions with me you know that I say this is not just for one moment, this is for every engagement you have. So let’s have a go.

In your upcoming presentation/conversation, knowing you are now the wise mentor (I find it helpful to say 'I am Yoda, or Yoda I am'), ask yourself the following five questions:

1. Who is the hero? Be specific, describe them. If you can, name them. The hero might be an internal department, it might be the end user of your product, it might be your employer. They are struggling with something. 
2. What is the dragon they need to slay? Dragons are evil, block the way and stop the thing. What is the dragon? Describe it — is it an outdated HR process that is stopping people from booking holiday pay? Is it lack of access to power in space?
3. What is the weapon you are going to give them to slay the dragon? This is where you come in. Yoda taught Luke how to have a Jedi mindset and wield the power of the lightsaber — what is your weapon? Is it a product, a mindset shift, a release of money to find a new AI HR process, is it solar panels 50 times more powerful?
4. What is the treasure? The dragon is slain, there is gold underneath the dragon. What is the immediate outcome? More power in space, 40% time saved because the HR process is no longer manual?
5. What is the future? The treasure is won, the world is brighter, so how has it changed? What does the future look like? An HR team that can actually do the work of looking after people not filling out spreadsheets, a company that can build data centres in space and power more research.

The wise mentor only kicks in when you speak it out loud. So, once you have the answers, turn that into a one-minute presentation and speak it out loud with confidence. Practise makes permanent so do it again. I dare you, find a friend/colleague and present it to them. There are so many more things I can say to do after this. But this is your starting point. You will feel different. You may feel exposed and this means you are actually no longer hiding behind the furniture trying to get through. It means you are standing taller, being bolder and bringing your voice into the room.

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