See your enemy. Know your enemy. Overcome your enemy.

See

Charlie Mackesy is an artist and author of The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse. He said of the inner critic recently that you just need to ignore it. I disagree. You can’t ignore your inner critic hoping it will go away. The inner critic will not be ignored. It just shouts louder and louder. You have to deal with it to truly overcome it.

Pop star Robbie Williams went completely the other way. He recently exhibited some of his own art in the Moco Art Museum in London. In one of his exhibits he drew a picture, called it ‘Blanche’ and wrote above it: ‘Give your anxiety a silly name. Mine is called Blanche.’ But if you make anxiety — or the inner critic — a caricature, it becomes a bit too comical, a bit too ‘fun’ and you will find you have accidentally made it your pet. You will start to blame it: ‘Oh that’s just Blanche!’

Instead, you need to tame it.

Just like Robbie, we should name and describe our inner critic — but not so that we can start to blame it. It’s so we can figure out what it is accusing us of and then speak truth instead.

So let’s start with the name. It needs to be real, it needs to be a name that you feel something about when you speak it out loud. You need to be able to see it. 

Here’s an example: meet Troy. Troy is an inner critic that a client of mine named recently. Troy is 35, an investor who lives in San Francisco, studied at Harvard, has got medium-long brown wavy hair, and comes from money. Troy says to my client, ‘You don’t belong in the big boys league, your story is false, you don’t have what it takes.’

That is just brutal.

It didn’t take long for my client to come up with a name, a description and an accusation. So what about you? What is the name of the inner critic that speaks to you? There could be more than one, but it always starts with one. Take a few moments now to name them, draw them and describe what they say. That is how you get to know your enemy.

Give them a real name — Bob, Freda, Maria (sorry to any Bobs, Fredas or Marias here!). Don’t make it a world leader or a monster. You might find the inner critic is based on a real person, past or present in your life. That is totally valid. This is how you see your enemy.

Know

Now you have the name and the description of the inner critic, it’s time to name the accusations. What does the inner critic say to you? Here are some statements I have heard over the years:

1. You don’t have what it takes.
2. People will know you are a fraud.
3. Your voice is really annoying.
4. No one is listening to you.
5. Who do you think you are?
6. You’re good but not that good.
7. You speak too fast
8. You are over emotional
9. Do you think anyone cares?

Out of those statements, see which one resonates. Then if you want to write your own, go ahead and do it. No more than three. Three is enough.

Overcome

This is a lifelong process, but it can become as simple and intuitive as your other habits — from coffee first thing in the morning to washing up the dishes.

This is how you do it: for every negative, reframe a positive. Reframing is not fighting fire with fire. If you hear, ‘Your voice is annoying,’ don’t respond with, ‘No it's not.’ This is not a two-way conversation. Instead, you could write down, ‘I have a story to tell and I will speak with confidence.’ That is what I call a statement of truth. It is either something you actually do or something you aspire to do. Here are the statements of truth reframing the accusations from before:

1. I am experienced and able to do my job.
2. I am honest and I am learning 
3. I have a story to tell and I will speak with confidence.
4. I will speak with conviction, trusting what I say matters.
5. I am here in this role and my experience is valid.
6. I am talented and have the skills to do the job.
7. I speak with energy and will learn to control it so others can follow.
8. Emotion is a quality, not a curse and I will enjoy expressing myself.
9. I care about the work I do and what I have to say.

See which one resonates most with you and start to own it. It’s more powerful to write it down on paper — so find a pen, find a piece of card and write it down. Send a message to yourself with three statements of truth to write down later if you can’t find that pen. Place that piece of card in front of your laptop, in your bag or back pocket and carry it around with you. Take it out anytime you are about to go into a high-stakes meeting.

Because the inner critic is always speaking, so you might as well learn to combat it!

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